


Enjoy The Silence

by symbioticSimplicity



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Bisexual Edward Nygma, Drug Use, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hallucination Ed - Freeform, Honestly these two are such effing disasters, I think that's everything, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of childhood abuse, Nygmobblepot, Songfic, brief mentions of homophobia, unhealthy relationship, unintentional suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:27:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22252594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symbioticSimplicity/pseuds/symbioticSimplicity
Summary: Oswald just wants to forget everything for a while. He wants to forget his pain, his loneliness and above all, his love. He really should know by now nothing is ever so simple in Gotham.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 8
Kudos: 89





	Enjoy The Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Aight so this is my first work for this fandom. I love these two absolute disasters and I'm surprised it's taken me this long to write about them. But then I was listening to this song and well, I can't unsee Ed singing it. Suffer with me.

All things considered, Oswald supposed there were worse ways to die. Especially for a man like him.

Feeling his heart declining toward arrest while a hallucination of the man he was hopelessly-one sidedly-in love with serenaded him seemed almost too kind if he were to be honest. Not that he could really bare to argue his fate, not while Ed's thin, enticingly shaped lips parted sensually around the lyrics of Depeche Mode's _Enjoy the Silence._

If this was really how death had decided to present himself to Oswald, well then he would willingly walk into his arms. It almost made the idea of dying so early bearable.

Almost.

Oswald couldn't focus on his regret though, it was a struggle just to breathe as he watched Ed's lithe hips cut through the air as he rolled them along with the lyrics.

_Pleasures remain_

_So does their pain_

_Words are meaningless_

_And forgettable_

They were, weren't they? For all Oswald's silver tongue, his gift with speech, his cleverness, he was still dying here alone, in a hotel even the addicts wished they could forget. He'd spoken every sweet nothing he knew, every threat he could conjure, and every tale he could tell and for what? Power? Money? _Respect?_

_All I ever wanted_

_All I ever needed_

_Is here in my arms_

Ed's eyes locked on his and Oswald was lost to them. Ed's eyes were such a deep shade of brown they were nearly black, even more so when he was excited about something. This Ed lacked the nearly childish glee Oswald was so familiar with in the real Ed, however. His eye were dark for far different reasons, the kind Oswald could only admit his desperate longing to see to the empty darkness of his bedroom walls. This Ed had fire stoked in his veins. Every movement was a challenge, as if he were daring Oswald to argue that he was anything other than the most divine sight he'd ever beheld. And well, Oswald had never been one to blaspheme.

_Vows are spoken_

_To be broken_

_Feelings are intense_

_Words are trivial_

That was something Oswald could certainly agree with. It seemed as though his own feelings had always been magnified, somehow on a higher setting than anyone else's. Oswald did not get angry, he got livid. He was never happy, but euphoric. And sadness had no name, while depression was an old friend. He'd ripped apart so many things in his life in the service of his emotions. It had gained him much of his empire, but he'd also lost some of the most invaluable things in his life to them too.

Ed leaned down at that, as if to remind him that he'd been on the top of that list. 

His hand brushed Oswald's cheek and _God_ he could have sworn he felt it.

"Oswald?"

His tone was different now from the baritone trilling it had been moments ago. Not that Oswald didn't love his speaking voice, Ed always sounded so eager when they'd plotted together those long months ago, he was just confused.

"Oswald what the hell?"

Now that was a good question. One he would have worked much harder to answer, if he could lift the leaden block that constituted his tongue.

_Words like violence_

_Break the silence_

_Come crashing in_

_Into my little world_

The words didn't come from the figure in front of him, but rather sounded as if they were coming from down the hall, down the stairs, the harbor down the street. Oswald used what little air he had left to laugh. It was so _ridiculous._

Ed, the one before him frowned.

"What did you take?" He asked, glowering as if to be stern. 

It was admirable but his lashes were too long, the line of his mouth too soft, and the look in his eyes to nervous to carry it off.

When Oswald didn't answer him, Ed began picking over him anxiously like a mother hen. Oswald thought it odd that his fantasy would suddenly derail into Ed showing up to save him in the eleventh hour. In this part of town there was little to no reason to believe someone had called the cops to come and save him, so there wasn't much chance of his hallucination adapting to that. 

Somewhere, probably not all that deep down, he really wanted to believe Ed would still save him from himself.

It was so ridiculous Oswald fell into another laughing fit.

White Knight Ed had finished his search, presumably since he now seemed to be holding the baggie Oswald's drugs had been in. In truth Oswald wasn't wholly sure what it was he'd taken. It was some sort of new street drug, one the dealer had said was supposed to 'take you away from your bullshit'. Which honestly? Oswald could really use.

Problem was he'd gotten over eager and slammed the whole thing.

"Vanilla Sky." Ed muttered as he clinically looked over the little baggie, "Sends it's users on a short, vivid hallucinogenic trip, where they get to see whatever it is they want most. Highly addictive, expensive as all hell, and dangerous in heavy doses. And you've taken the whole bag."

Ed's eyes slid over to Oswald's, an autumnal collidescope of worry, rage, and... understanding.

"What could you possibly want to see so badly?" His voice was softer than it had been all night, so soft Oswald could feel it caress his nerve endings

What a stupid question. The real Ed would never ask such a stupid riddle with such an obvious answer!

"You." Oswald sighed out with the last of his strength.

Ed's expression changed violently, cycling through too many emotions for Oswald to bother trying to keep up with _sober_. The world had started to feather at the edges and Oswald was feeling much lighter than he could remember having felt before. In the lapses between beats of his heart, further and further in between now, he couldn't feel his body at all. 

_Painful to me_

_Pierce right through me_

_Don't you understand_

_Oh my little bird_

Ed was saying something now, something urgent by the wild look he wore, but Oswald couldn't hear it over the music. He wanted to watch, he loved Ed's harried frenzies as much the calm tactician he could be. He was a lovely contradiction, poetry in every shift of his center like the shift between seasons.

But Oswald's eyes were heavy. 

And he couldn't feel his body.

_Words are very unnecessary_

_They can only do harm_

Oswald did not expect to wake up.

Oswald hadn't expected to fall asleep either, really. He hadn't been aiming to. He hadn't really been aiming to do anything but lose himself in a bright, rose colored fantasy for a few hours. He'd expected his heart to hurt when he came out of it, but he hadn't expected the feeling to be quite so literal.

He groaned as he slumped forward in bed, trying to lift his heavy arms to press against his throbbing chest.

"You're awake."

Oswald didn't need to look for the speaker to know who it was. He would have recognized that voice even at death's door and then promptly spurned the reaper to see it's owner.

"Edward," He said flatly, though the effect was marred by the coarse sound of his voice, "To what do I owe the... pleasure?"

The green clad logician sat six feet away, ankles folded over each other with a mug in one hand and a newspaper in the other. He was conspicuously less green than usual, limiting himself to only his loose night pants and the lettering on his mug. He looked casual, comfortable, as if the man he'd threatened to destroy were not scant feet from him.

"I should be asking you that." Ed said, folding his paper and setting it down on the table beside him, "A thirty second call from an unknown number does not an explanation make, Oswald." 

Unbidden, fondness rose up and stuck in Oswald's throat. How he could miss that condescending snark was beyond him but he _had_.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you're referencing Ed." Oswald tried for unaffected, though he hit somewhere around 'catty bitch', "I haven't called you since you left."

Ed's face smoothed out into blankness, a tell tale sign of annoyance.

"Cut the crap Oswald. I saw what you were up to."

"And what exactly is that?"

Stubborn, stubborn, _stubborn_.

Edward simply stared him down for a long moment before a profoundly weary sigh gusted through his whole body, robbing him of the rigidness his posture usually forced upon him.

"Oswald, I don't have the time or patience to be playing games with you. Why did you call me of everyone, to come help you?"

Oswald's jaw clenched as he ground his teeth together, willing the sickly sweet emotion caught in his gullet to wither up and sink back down where he couldn't feel it so intensely. It, of course, did nothing of the sort. Instead it became a painful lump composed of all the things he'd never said.

He was so tired. _Too_ goddamn tired.

A sob broke through the barricade of his teeth, and once the first one shouldered its way through, the words came tripping out after it.

"Why do you _think_ , Ed?! You're a goddamn genius, you can't tell me you're really that fucking stupid! Since you left I can't go a single goddamn hour without missing you! I've tried everything I can think of to kill my heart, but it hasn't been mine since the moment I met you! It's no use!" 

The words felt as if they were being torn out of him, each one heaving, and sticky and painful but they had to come out or he was going to choke to death around them.

"You are the only person I've ever loved like this! I know you don't care and you're right not to but _goddamn it_ you've taken just as much from me!" His hands clawed at his chest right where he could feel the hollow beating of his heart, "I just wanted to see you again. I just... just..."

 _Words are meaningless_.

Oswald made a rather unattractive strained noise that may have been a laugh or a scream. 

This was probably what Ed had stuck around for. He had just wanted to watch Oswald come undone and know undoubtedly he'd been the cause of it. Oswald knew that, and yet he couldn't bring himself to cover the glaring weakness. At this point he wished Ed would just deliver the final blow and be done with it.

But as Oswald's sobs stretched over seconds and then minutes, Ed said nothing.

Then there was the tight pressure of a hand gripping his jaw and Oswald was forced to meet Ed's eyes.

He looked _livid_. His dark eyes were like coals, his teeth clenched and his mouth pulled into a ugly grimace. The hand on Oswald trembled with barely contained rage.

"You took the most important thing in my life away," He snarled, "Because of a fit of childish jealousy. I loved her Oswald, I loved who I was around her. Now all I have left is _this_ and _you_ . You _deserve_ to suffer."

Oswald in turn sounded wretched as he sobbed, _"I have."_

Without waiting for the probable tirade that would follow, the slew of accusations that it wasn't _enough_ , Oswald tugged Ed's hand from his jaw. He was mildly surprised he let go so easily as he guided the thing down to his throat.

"I cannot take any more." Oswald whimpered as shock lept to the forefront of Edward's eyes, "From you, from myself, from _anyone_. In the memory of the kinship we once felt, please just end it."

Ed's wild eyes darted back and forth from his hand on Oswald's neck to the increasingly despondent eyes of his 'enemy'. It was almost a relief when those eyes sharpened like volcanic glass and the hand began to squeeze.

Oswald didn't struggle, not even a twitch as Ed gradually cut off his oxygen. His eyes fluttered closed and he allowed his body to relax, almost grateful for the lightheadedness even as the pain in his throat flared.

This wasn't the worst way to go either, he supposed. He'd always suspected Ed really would be the death of him one day. 

Then abruptly the pressure was gone and Ed was shouting.

"WHY? _WHY!?"_ He shrieked, holding his head as if to keep it in once whole piece, "AFTER EVERYTHING HE'S DONE TO US! WHY WON'T YOU LET ME KILL HIM?!"

Oswald coughed his lungs out, trying valiantly to keep one eye on the scene before him. He knew a little about Ed's mental health, but he'd never really seen an episode in action.

"HE KILLED HER! SHE WAS OUR CHANCE TO BE NORMAL AND HE _KILLED_ HER!" He cried, tearing at his hair, before replying in a cooler, cockier tone, "We would have done the same eventually, Eddie. We can't help it. Hell you just had your hand around _his_ throat too."

Ed stumbled out of his chair as if he'd been hit, his lip curling back into a snarl so feral Oswald was worried he may actually bite.

"No, no _NO!_ That's not the _same!_ I _loved_ her I would never-- Oh come **_on_ ** Eddie! You love killing! And you loved that girl, so how long before those two loves overlapped? Ozzy did you a favor and we both know it. We were never going to be _normal."_

Ed's hands clenched in his hair as a cruel, winding laugh tumbled out of his throat, "How long until she saw _this_ and ran as fast as she could? You would have chased, _I_ would have chased and poof! Kringle part two!"

The noise that wrestled it's way out of Ed's mouth next was one of sheer desperation and Oswald felt what was left of his heart crumble along with it.

"I wouldn't have... I would never hurt...." Ed's mouth twisted up into that hollow smile again, _"Yes. You would have."_

His arms fell limp to his sides and the next words seemed to topple out of his mouth unbidden, "There's only ever been one person who has ever loved us for what we are. And I am not about to sit still and let you kill him because he reminds you of when Daddy used to try beating the gay out of us." 

Oswald flinched when Ed's eyes suddenly found themselves fixed back on him. They were different though, less cold, less calculating and infinitely less angry with him. They reminded him of the eyes of the stray dogs he used to try to feed when he was young. Cautious, hungry, and ready to snap whenever it was needed.

When his hand skimmed Oswald's cheek, it was so unexpectedly gentle he nearly couldn't feel it at all.

"Even if Ed is too stupid to see it, I can see you little bird." The-man-who-was-not-Ed whispered, "He's a fool, but I certainly am not."

Oswald wanted to ask what that meant, but before he could, he was being pulled down into a kiss. 

His mind went blank as Ed's mouth passionately kissed him. He wanted to be elated, but he could hardly tell what was happening. He'd... he'd never been kissed before. He had no idea how to work it, but as soon as the thought that Ed was kissing him sunk in he tried his best to reciprocate. The result was messy and formless, but eager.

When they pulled back Other-Ed littered smaller kisses against his lips as if he couldn't bare to stay away for more than a few scant seconds.

"Don't let him push you away." He whispered, "He doesn't know what it feels like to be loved and it scares him. And _your_ love is an all consuming, violent thing Ozzy."

His tongue flitted out to flick over Oswald's lips and the man gave a soft moan, unable to contain it. 

"Pretty birdy," Other-Ed breathed, "Wish I could stay here with you."

"Stay," Oswald gasped out desperately, hands reaching up to clutch his shoulders, "Please _please_ stay."

He shook his head, rapping at his temple with his knuckles, "Eddie is scratching up the walls, gotta let him back out before he breaks something."

Oswald was about to resort to begging again but before he could Ed flinched away from him, blinking rapidly. It was clear, the difference between the two men who inhabited the same body, so much so Oswald didn't need to ask if the other was Ed once again.

"I have to go." Ed said sharply.

"This is your base." Oswald groaned, " _I_ should go."

"You're still..." Edward glanced over at him, his eyes seeming to stick a little below his jaw, "I'll go. You... rest."

Oswald shook his head, wiping his tears away on the heel of his hand, "No. If you're not going to kill me, I have other things to be doing. Business and all that."

"Oswald you nearly died." With a wince he tacked on, "Twice."

"Just another Tuesday." Oswald shot him a bright, annoyed smile, "Honestly Edward if I couldn't handle a near death experience or two I would be woefully under prepared for my choice of career, don't you think?"

Oswald made to stand but realized his mistake much too late. His leg had hardly been a factor this time, though it's lack of stability hardly helped while the world spun around him. The floor was hard and cold, likely concrete, and did nothing to cushion the blow as Oswald's hip and head made contact with it.

His head bounced.

"Oswald!" Ed hissed.

The man in question rolled onto his back, groaning as a headache shot out from the point of impact, impairing his vision with the way it throbbed.

"You never learn, do you?" Ed shook his head as he helped the other back onto the bed.

"I'm stubborn," Oswald grunted as one hand clutched his head as if to stem the pain, "It's a strength and a weakness."

"Move your hand, let me see."

He hated to, but Oswald acquiesced, letting Ed examine what would likely become quite the goose egg later.

"Hn, the damage isn't too bad. It's going to swell, and you'll likely have a headache for a few days, but no lasting damage." Ed sighed, bringing his hands back down.

"Thank you, doctor." Oswald said with only the barest hints of sarcasm lining his tone.

He turned his head to say something more but quickly forgot it as he inhaled, realizing just how close they were. 

Ed's face couldn't have been more than a few centimeters from his own. Close enough to make out the specks of dust caught in his eyelashes, close enough to make every hair on Oswald's body stand on end. 

"I-" Oswald began only to stop, feeling the way the soft echoes of his breath bumped off of Ed's skin and back onto his own. 

Ed didn't move though his gaze was distant, as if he were somewhere far off even as his eyes fixed on Oswald's lips. It was disarming to watch that heady gaze trail down his face, each minute movement so much more pronounced for proximity. 

"Oswald," Ed's voice was lower even than a whisper, a voiceless puff of air caressing his cheeks.

"E-edward," Oswald managed, though how he wasn't sure as his head felt stuffed with static.

Suddenly Ed's eyes cut back up to Oswald's, volcanic sharp and smoldering, full of so many things they'd tip-toed around for what felt like years. He inclined his head just a hair more, stretching out his long slender neck, showing off that sharp jawline of his.

"Why?" He breathed once again, so near now his lips practically brushed Oswald's as the man remained frozen in shock or fear or anticipation, "Why did you fall in love with me?"

Oswald's eyes fluttered as he tried to process the question well enough to parse an answer to it, something off center to keep his heart hidden, his soul safe from this man who unequivocally owned both.

"You were kind to me." Oswald answered in stunned honesty that made his stomach twist, "No one other than my mother has ever treated me the way you do. You gave me everything I never thought I could have from anyone. And you gave it so freely that I couldn't help but grow greedy. Then I got to know your mind, I got to see the same darkness that lives in me wrapped around your beautiful soul and everything clicked into place. You are _everything_ to me, the one person who matches all that I am without so much as flinching. You're beautiful, Edward, and so much more than what you've tried to shrink yourself down into."

Ed's eyes darted back and forth between Oswald's eyes as if searching for something. 

"Do you really mean that?"

His voice, though still as soft as it had been, was much more intense. On the verge of crazed with the force of something so akin to desperation that if Oswald didn't know better, he'd assume it was what he was hearing. 

Oswald forced himself to breathe.

"I do."

Ed's face went through a slow transformation, like the sun creeping over the horizon to herald the coming of a new day. Oswald could hardly take it, the pit in his stomach howling in nervous anticipation. He nearly flinched when Ed's hand came to rest against his cheek, so immersed in his expression that he hadn't seen him move. 

And what an expression it was. Edward was not often what Oswald would describe as soft. His resting expression could peel the paint off a wall with little difficulty. But the way he looked just then was nothing short of _tender_. 

The brown of his eyes was welcoming instead of forbidding, warm and familiar and everything Oswald had been desperate for since they first became at odds with one another. It made his chest tight but his shoulders loose and he finally felt settled, after all this time. Like gravity had returned to him after months spent adrift in the cold emptiness of space.

Oswald could hardly breathe past the swell of emotion rising up in his throat. Even as his sense of self preservation whispered to him that it was likely a ruse, he ignored it. He would have been perfectly happy to die by Ed's hand anyway, he'd already proven that. 

"Even after all this..? After everything we've done-- everything _I've_ done. You still feel that way?" 

"Yes, Ed." He replied, "I wanted to hate you, believe me I did. It would have made things easier. But I can't. I don't know how. Even if you tore the heart from me, I would give it to you because it had been yours since that night by the fire."

As Ed's thumb stroked over Oswald's cheek, he found his eyes fluttering closed as his lips parted around a delicate sigh. He shuddered when the thumb traced over his lips too.

"I don't pretend to understand your feelings, or how they can possibly be so unswerving. I would have disposed of me long ago if I were in your position." The way he spoke was absent it's usual cool logic, an instead bore a touch of exasperated fondness, "That being said... I believe I may be in a similar spot."

Oswald's heart stuttered as his eyes flew open, though he stayed otherwise stock still.

"I have tried to hate you Oswald. _Ardently._ Yet, when I received that call from you all I could feel was worry. I've wanted you dead since... since Isabella, but when given the opportunity to kill you with my own hands, my own subconscious steps in to stop me. I've tried to deny it, but trying to run from the truth now would only make me a fool. And I believe I've been foolish enough already."

It was one thing to hear it from the Riddler, he spoke all sorts of platitudes when he wanted or needed something. But to hear it from Ed himself, that was something different altogether.

But still, Oswald needed him to say the words themselves.

"What," His voice trembled, so breathy he couldn't hear it over the roar of blood in his ears, "What are you trying to say Edward?"

The man took a long, deep breath, his brows pinching together as he swallowed hard. His hand, still on Oswald's cheek felt clammy and over warm.

"I'm saying that I've come to terms with something I have known for quite a while now. I love you Oswald, and I-"

Oswald was kissing him before he'd even made the decision to try. 

Edward did not push him away though he did flinch, likely from surprise. Though how he could be surprised that Oswald was kissing him after having said _that_ was beyond Oswald. 

Kissing him.

_Oswald was kissing Edward._

Despite being the same body, this kiss felt entirely different to the one earlier. It was softer, more exploratory as Ed slowly melted into their embrace. 

Oswald sighed against his lips as Ed's arms wrapped themselves around him, one tight around his waist and the other behind his back, cupping his head. It should have felt caging but he felt secure rather than trapped, gladly winding his own arms over Ed's shoulders in return. 

The kiss didn’t last as long as he would have liked, but when it came to an end Oswald felt something he hadn’t imagined he ever would. Satisfaction curling warm and deep in his soul. He wanted to see the look on Ed’s face but he couldn’t force his eyes open just yet as he savored the lingering feeling of their kiss on his lips.

They sat for a moment, breathing in each other’s air, existing peaceably in one another’s space while warmth soaked into their bones. 

“I’ve missed you Edward.” Oswald murmured, pressing his nose to the juncture between Ed’s throat and his shoulder.

“And I you.” Ed replied, his hand stroking through Oswald’s hair as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “And I you.”

They sat that way until Ed’s legs went numb and Oswald began to fall asleep, before transferring over to the bed. As their limbs tangled together and their hands found each other in the sheets neither spoke a word, content for now to enjoy each other’s company. 

There was still so much to talk about, so much trust to rebuild, but that was okay. Oswald would gladly work for the rest of his life to make Ed comfortable with him again. Because this, the feeling of holding and being held, _loving and being loved,_ was worth every second of hardship both now and in the future. 

So long as he had Edward at his side, he couldn’t care less what life threw at him.


End file.
